I think everyone can agree that there is usually range within a given characteristic and everything isn’t so black and white. Well I want to talk about The shades of Comparison.
If you notice from time to time (ladies maybe every other hour) you are comparing.. yourself to someone/something, relationship to relationship, job to job, life to life and everything in between…you may feel like its a bit unhealthy and even a waste of time. I agree it is, when you compare things for the sake of comparison, to hold yourself against something else to weigh the standings, I believe this is an unhealthy practice.
However, I think this is only one shade (a pretty dark one) of comparison. There is at least one other shade that I would say is on the opposite end of the spectrum which carries a healthier hue.
Can you think of a time where you were comparing something you experienced to someone else’s for the sake of being able to connect with that person? This is one that allows the bond to develop between people because you are sympathizing, making common ground, finding similarities…all of that! This is really good, but it can take a turn for the unhealthy if approached with carelessness.
This form of comparison doesn’t always feel like an unhealthy one because you are using it to relate to another person and/or instance in order to develop a connection and empathize with one another. At least that’s how I see it. And it totally is as long as you are giving clear expression about the connection and not focusing the attention on an experience you didn’t have…
Which brings me to my next point.
There is a scale in between these two shades, but the scale moves fast and from what I understand, It’s easy to go from unhealthy comparison to healthy and vise versa with the switch of an intention or emotion..Uh OH.
Careful people. I think its important to be aware of how your words come off when you find yourself relating to others or when you hear yourself talking out loud to yourself. If you think about it you may think you are kindly developing bonds with people or communicating differences with no intention of being pitiful, but really you could seem like a pity party because you are constantly weighing your instance against another’s.
Am I saying comparing for connection is wrong? NO, but maybe inter grading some diversity with how you relate your instances to others could help people truly take in what you are trying to say.
Think about it, when you hear people compare themselves to someone who is more fit than themselves and they give off this tone that make you feel their fishing tendencies…You notice it as a moment for you to give them a confidence boost, right? Well that’s because we recognize this a a type of comparison that leads to a self pitying moment and may even put us in a funk or a point of discouragement. And it can happen when you compare your smarts, your looks, your status, anything! Typical! -_-
Now let’s take the often healthier form of comparison and show its unhealthy side in an instance where you are really just trying to make connections and learn about someone but end up (sometimes) coming off like pity
(Sharing about the kind of time you used to spend with family)
1. Oh wow that’s awesome… me and my family would always do pranks
2. Oh wow that’s awesome I’ve never done things like that with my family we’d play pranks though
Can you spot the pity..(the 2nd one)..Yes, it’s super subtle and maybe I’m being picky, but don’t you think it’s better to sound confident about yourself and your life even in moments of compari-necction!? I sure do.
I mean think about if this person all the time responded like this (…this instance didn’t even call for that type of sympathy; this is a jolly go at the memories you had with your family!) .. and after some time of always responding in this kind of way you may think this person is getting down on themselves when really, this is just how they operate. Well no worries, I think it’s fine (if my opinion matters lol) but I think making sure not to always respond in a way that almost puts down your life. Instead maybe.. Keep with the first example or add, that’s interesting.. or something that doesn’t value one instance vs the other.. you know?
Like I said, it’s super easy to sound pitiful if you don’t keep your emotions in check and make sure you are aware of your tone. These things could end up shaping how people feel when they talk to you or how they perceive you in general (only if you care bout those things)
I am also bringing this up because I think we get lazy sometimes when talking to people and we don’t always say what we mean or mean what we say. There is no harm in being a little more careful with how you choose your words so you can paint the best picture of your life and do it in a way that feeds your confidence.
In any case I hope you can see that just a pinch of the wrong emotion, bad day, moody moment, can make your interaction a little less appetizing. I mean who can be their best all the time? Hey, but when you’re on, you should be all the way on!
Do you remember an instance where your comparisons/comments were perceived as something other than what you meant? Do you recognize when you come off like a pity party?
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